I suppose the story of how the Bloggess Army began is no different than most other charitable networks. It all began when The Bloggess tried to contact William Shatner on twitter and offered him hookers to fix her marriage. Naturally, he blocked her from his twitter account due to her insanity. I began a movement on twitter called #unblockthebloggess, named myself Morpheus, gave people imaginary ships and told everyone they were batteries fueling a machine world. During that time, hundreds, maybe thousands of people on Twitter said some of the most horrible things about the Shat that perhaps can be said about any human being. It was actually quite beautiful. I then became a bunny and tried to extract Stephen Colbert from the Matrix. Same old story. I know.
When the bloggess and I realized that I was being stupid (which she realized long before I,) we decided that in addition to trying to unblock her, we should probably actually try to do something good while also fighting the evil Shat. That’s when #ba was created. Then the unexpected happened. That bastard unblocked her. But… Bill, we have an army now. A really mean one. Damn you, Kirk! For the first time, I understood the plight of the Romulan empire.
Despite the bitter-sweet news, we rejoiced in Zion. I asked the bloggess if we could continue under her banner and she said something like, “Sure, but I’ll probably sue you.” I said, “the line starts behind Shatner” and now we fight cancer and other horibbleness. So, how could you not want to be a part of this?
This is when The Bloggess created @thegoodbloggess on twitter so that we could differentiate between her saintly and stabby sides. She often pops on there to RT (RE-Tweet) charitable messages and from time to time she will post here and “pass out wine slushies” (we will hold her to that.)
The beauty of The Bloggess Army is that you can be a total asshole and still join. You can also be exceedingly lazy. The Bloggess Army is not for do-gooders (though you are welcome and appreciated,) but a force created from inherent evil to make something beautiful. Kind of like when 2 jerks get together and have an awesomely nice kid. It’s exactly like that.
Here’s how it works:
If you’re on twitter, use #ba here and there on regular tweets to signify that you’re in the army. The purpose of this is to recruit others as well as create awareness for what we’re trying to accomplish.
If you have an important charitable message (whether or not you’re an active army member) try to use #ba . Bloggess Army members should click on #ba whenever they log on to pick up important messages and Re-Tweet them. You can also click on @thegoodbloggess and pick up anything important.
If you have a dire message (Amber Alert, life or death, etc.) you can use ERT or Emergency Re-Tweet.
If you would like us to support a cause or join the army, please e-mail BloggessArmy@gmail.com or mayopie.ba@gmail.com . If you join, you get a cool code name and maybe an imaginary ship. We’ll also list you here as part of the Bloggess Army (unless you’d prefer not to be publicly associated with us.)
In many cases, the charities we’ll promote only take a click or a follow and corporate sponsors give money. So no matter how evil and self-absorbed you are, Rt-ing a few important messages or clicking a follow button couldn’t be any easier. At the end of the day, you’ll still be an asshole, but you’re dickishness can now be justified by the fact that you also do good. Take that, those who don’t like you.
We’ll also be doing some official drives which will be unique, appeal to your meanspirited innerchild and be guaranteed fun. Check here for regular updates.
Lastly, The Bloggess Army doesn’t take funds. We’ll provide links where you can give donations, if you so choose. This way, none of us will be tempted to steal the money to buy Transformers or other things that I enjoy. We do however accept donations in the form of Transformers, which I’m pretty sure you can deduct (Disclaimer: you cannot deduct it, but that shouldn’t keep you from sending me one. Didn’t we just talk about you being a better person now? Asshole.)
- Morpheus (aka MayoPie)
Wine slushies? You never mentioned wine slushies!? I’ll take 2 with a vicodin chaser!
Every post seems to encompass all we represent. Dickishness, charity and alcoholism. Well said silly rabbit!
So is it kind of like Dumbledore’s Army but with wine? Yay, sign me up!
Well I thought about the army, dad said, “son youre fucking high.”
and I thought yeah theres a first for everything, so I took my old mans advice….
Oh she is too through, I actually DO live close enough to hold poor Jenny to the wine slushies. I like mine made out of Berringer’s White Zinfandel, thank you very much… Love ya girl! Proud to sport a Bloggess banner on my profile pic!
Vodka slushies would be better.
Vodka doesn’t make slushies. Alcohol doesn’t freeze well, yo.
Also, where do I sign up?
No Twitter marketing!? What’s with you man!
I want to join the army. I can’t shoot very well though. Can I be a spy? A really, really good looking spy who can speak 5 languages and regularly gets in compromising situations with men who look like Bond? James Bond?
I know exactly how you feel. I know it’s been a while since you’ve written this but it was so timely for me. That knife is twisting in my stomach right now.
Interesting that I don’t remember writing this and that isn’t my picture…
Will the real Susannah please stand up – and – we need to drum up the army for some other good works soon… there’s got to be some somewhere!!!!